Recently, I was watching SyFy’s new “Chucky” show with my wife, when I realized at some point that the main character was gay. This didn’t sit right with me, and I felt extremely alienated, so I turned the show off. The same thing happened when we tried to watch HBO’s “The Last of Us.” I see queer people everywhere, and it’s just so hard for me as a very securely straight man to only ever see queer people represented in the horror media I watch. I want to go back to the good old days, back when horror wasn’t bombarded by gay people constantly sharing wholesome moments and exploring their feelings, back when we could be openly hostile to any minority we wanted. These liberals and their sensitivities are destroying our right to have truly fun horror, their touchy-feely junk pushing out what we truly want to see: the objectification of women and minorities for our amusement. 

Some of these liberals might say that queerness has always been deeply ingrained in horror media’s creation and interpretation. I’ve had these insidious people tell me how Bram Stoker, who wrote Dracula, was close to Oscar Wilde, a famous gay author. They’ve even told me that the famous horror novel itself contains homosexual implications throughout, particularly when Dracula possessively dominates and controls mortal men. But when I look at this, I have to say that it’s an extraordinarily uncompelling argument. For example, just knowing Oscar Wilde doesn’t make Stoker some kind of gay ally; who’s to say he even knew about Wilde’s gayness? And men dominate each other in all sorts of totally straight ways too, like shirtless wrestling! Clearly these liberals are trying to project their own beliefs and opinions onto media that has nothing to do with them and isn’t made for them. 

These people even try to claim that old monster movies like “Frankenstein,” “Dracula,” “The Invisible Man,” and “The Wolf Man” had queer subtext. These folks claim that the monsters in these films represent some sort of frightening and weird homosexual feelings in a good, conservative world. As a staunch traditional conservative, however, I can say that it has never been weird or frightening when I’ve had homosexual urges. All I have to do is simply shove them deep inside and never let them see the light of day. Since these urges obviously happen to all men, the libs’ idea of queerness in monster movies is obviously wrong. 

The argument of gayness is especially commonly made about “Bride of Frankenstein” from 1935, which libs claim was made with involvement from several queer people. In the film, a scientist creates a wife for Frankenstein’s monster from the original, superior movie. The wife rejects the monster though, which makes those queer people project an idea of lesbianism onto her. But as everyone knows, lesbians don’t actually exist; they just haven’t met the right man yet. The reality of this film seems obvious: the bride rejected the monster because he didn’t looksmaxx like I do, and delusional queers couldn’t handle it, so they made up a story about there being queer people in the production to support their projections onto the character. Besides, even if there is some validity to this allegorical intent behind older films, surely later 20th century horror movies would never have anything like that. At least, that’s what I used to think. 

On that note, some people have noticed that many of the greatest 20th century horror movies have been heavily influenced by queer people. From claims of the deranged Billy and Stu from “Scream” having a closeted homoerotic relationship (which I don’t necessarily mind; they are disgusting murderers, after all) to the star of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, Mark Patton, being a gay man, and the film having homosexual scenes and subtext (even though that one actor couldn’t actually have any effect on the subtext, and liberals clearly read too far into him being gay), the horror of the 80s and 90s seems to have been deeply penetrated with LGBTQ themes. Unfortunately, even I have to admit, the beloved Child’s Play film series, focused on the seemingly child-friendly Chucky doll, is knee-deep in the LGBTQ agenda. Not only is the creator of the franchise, Don Mancini, a gay man, but Seed of Chucky, the fifth film in the franchine, prominently features a genderfluid character who is called both Glen and Glenda. This kind of movie is what’s corrupting the youth of today, confusing them about pronouns and wanting to change their body parts. 

These examples of queerness shoving its way to the forefront of horror classics are symptoms of what should have been an obvious problem decades ago: the Democrats’ deep state has clearly been controlling the horror industry since at least the mid 80s, if not all the way back to the 30s. Creators of horror content like Don Mancini and Mark Patton are obviously planted by the Dems in order to make our innocent children trans and gay. Deep state agents like Mancini should be barred from even stepping foot on a movie set. 

There’s an obvious solution to the current problem faced by our impressionable, horror-loving youth: to bring back the Hays Code, laws enforcing a prohibition on insidious LGBTQ media. Horror movies clearly aren’t for queer people to enjoy, they’re for the straight people that the libs want to corrupt into being gay and transgender, by making all of the men in the movies cause homosexual urges within the kids. 

This, of course, means that the only audience that matters in terms of critiquing horror movies are the straight men of America. As the most important and responsible class of people in our society, we obviously are also the best for deciding what’s appropriate for films and television. As a straight man myself, I’m qualified to state this: all queer people should be banned from making television and films due to them being deep state implants with the intention of weakening us right wingers from the inside. Our entire way of life is at risk due to these “entertainers” threatening my— I mean our kids’— gender and sexuality. If you’re a red-blooded American, then join me on my mission to end the indoctrination of our children. Also, consider joining my church’s “Children for Trump” rally next Friday.