Tuesday, April 30th
Dear Diary,
My cousin living down in Austin called me earlier. He got to do something really fun yesterday. He was called up to UT Austin to help with a protest encampment. I’m really proud of how well he did; he’s come a long way since he voluntarily left the Dallas force to avoid that lawsuit. I don’t really get what all these protests I’ve been hearing about are for. It’s not even just Americans protesting either! I heard there are a lot of people doing these encampment things in Europe too, so whatever this Palestine thing is, it must be pretty big. All I know is what side I’m on, and that’s whichever side my politicians and superior officers tell me to be on. Is it wrong that I want something like this to happen in my area, so that I can have as much fun as my cousin?
Wednesday, May 1st
Dear Diary,
I just had one of the most fun and wild days of my whole entire life. Over at UT Dallas, the university closest to me, there was one of those Palestine protests! And guess what? I got called in to help take care of it!
At first, the school just wanted us to stand around and watch the protest. It wasn’t a great start, because it was hard to find decent parking and I got really winded on the walk over to the plaza where the protest was held. There was a banner up saying “Gaza Liberation Plaza.” I don’t really know what that means, but I’m going to look it up later and find out what all the fuss was about. Either way, I was getting really annoyed having to stand around and watch a bunch of kids act stupid. It was hot out, the kids were chanting loudly, and when I asked my lieutenant if I could use my baton to crack a kid in the head, he said he “didn’t want to cause a scene,” as if the dumb kids protesting weren’t causing a scene already! Finally, though, after waiting and watching, my superiors changed their minds.
My boss told me and my buddies to go with him, and to our delight, he had us all get in riot gear. It was so cool! I got to wear one of those cool face shields, and they gave me a bundle of zip ties to make arrests with, and told me I could make them as tight as I wanted. We started by pulverizing their encampment, smashing whatever we could get our hands on with our batons and bolt cutters. I even got to knock over a table of some protesters’ snacks and water! There was this one news guy there, and he was really getting on my nerves because he wouldn’t stop filming, so I had to hit him with my bolt cutters. That made him stop.
After we had our fill of smashing stuff, we started making our arrests, and you’ll never believe what happened: I got the high score! Eight peaceful protesters, all arrested by hand! There was this one guy—some kind of professor I guess—who told me and my friends that we should be ashamed of ourselves. I didn’t really understand what he meant, cuz I was just doing a service for my country and helping take care of some people who didn’t have its best interest at heart. This really pissed off one of my buddies though, so he threw the guy on the ground and started kicking him. A couple more of us joined in, and it was really, really fun! It reminded me a lot of high school.
Most of the other arrests went a lot smoother, mostly just kids who weren’t doing what I told them to, were calling me a fascist, or were a skin color I didn’t like very much. I put zip ties on most of them, but one of my pals pulled out some chains to help me out, and those ended up being really cool! The fun went on for a while, but eventually the higher-ups decided that we had arrested enough of them, and that they just wanted to clear the rest out.
When they asked me to help roll in another one of those big armored trucks, I was so excited. When they told me that it had a big tear gas cannon mounted to the top, I was even more excited. But when they told me that I’d get to hold a grenade launcher while I did it? I would be lying if I said I wasn’t downright giddy! And before you ask, yes, threatening a bunch of peaceful protesters with a grenade launcher feels just as cool as you’d think. I did feel bad for my pal Ray, though. He wasn’t able to be down in the plaza having fun because the school wanted him and some others to watch everything from a rooftop through their rifle scopes. For me, though, today was a really, really awesome day.
Thursday, May 2nd
Dear Diary,
We ended up getting 21 of the protesters in custody yesterday, and I’m so proud of us! We took them all to Collin County Jail, since that’s technically where they were all arrested. I was there today assisting, but it definitely was a lot less fun and a lot more annoying than being on-campus yesterday. The inmates were all rowdy and a lot of them needed help with medical crap because of their resistance the day before. A couple of them kept complaining about the conditions in their cells, so I got to tell them straight up that if they didn’t shut up, there’d be newspapers about their suicides the next day. That was the only really fun bit of the whole day.
More protesters were outside the jail for a long time protesting the arrests. They were especially annoying, blocking the entrance and making a ton of noise. It was even worse when we had to let all 21 arrestees go at the end of the day, because I had to miss my snack time and my nap time to do paperwork. I was so cranky by the end of the day that I started crying and stomping my feet. They were just being so rude and mean that I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt a lot better after I had a juice box, but I really hope that I have a less crappy day next time I throw peaceful protesters in jail.
