
This month, we asked Comets to tell us their favorite parts of the UTD experience, so that Ratford could demean and insult the things they hold dear. Unfortunately, you assholes are so goddamn jaded and this university sucks so much shit that almost none of you actually responded with things you like. What the fuck, gang.
“Spending 30+ minutes looking for parking and almost getting into multiple accidents.”
Due to my small stature and love of jaywalking, I’ve been run over on campus at least 30 times, usually by cops. The only reason I’m still alive is because of the Faustian deal I made with my former wife, Rat Satan.
“10 AM Gen Chem tests on Saturdays”
When I was a chemistry major, back in the early 90’s, the professors graded us off of how well we snorted lines with them. Sad to see how education has declined in this country.
“The sweet sweet moldy smells of ECSS!!!!”
Oh shit, is that where I left the Camembert? Yeah, I actually don’t think that one’s on the university. That one might just be me.
“Knowing that one day I’ll graduate from this hell”
Don’t get too excited. Only 62% of Comets graduate in four years, so you have almost a two in five chance of getting screwed into paying for more semesters.
“When I get dismissed from classes early”
Truly the best experience on campus — leaving.
“Lots of areas to chill outdoors”
Oh yay! Someone with something good to say about this school. Thank god. Unfortunately, though, those areas will soon be disappearing! The new Student Union Esports Center will replace the formerly grassy SU Green with turf. Which can get up to 180° in summer heat. You know, hot enough to melt shoes and give second-degree burns. So, enjoy the Torment Nexus, I guess.
“All the beautiful Tobors roaming free in their natural habitat!”
Little known fact, Tobors are not bred to be work robots, and it’s recommended they be allowed way more exercise than allowed by admin. They’re constantly overworked and understimulated. Sad, really, the way UTD treats such a majestic creature.
“Food poisoning from every single dining option on campus”
This is so true. As a rodent, most of my on campus meals consist of what you homo (sapien) assholes throw in the trash, and it’s nasty! I haven’t seen meat so raw since the Custard Incident.
“the knife guys”
Yeah, okay. Sure. UTD’s only redeeming quality can be the knife guys.
“The incredible unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life of everyone I meet”
I know sometimes it feels like a fundamental college is despair and misery, but it’s important to remember that college is the best four years of your life! Probably. Maybe. At some other school.
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