We’re getting fucked, Comets.
A certain felon has officially taken the Oval Office, and with that comes an ongoing cascade of anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ+, anti-woman executive orders. And if the dog whistles and fascist policies weren’t obvious enough, one of the president’s most powerful and vocal supporters literally did a Nazi salute twice on-stage. Everyone take your bets on how long it takes gay marriage to get overturned — but don’t blame us if you get deported before you get your payout.
UTD admin’s done little to allay concerns, too. Some might say they’ve dialed back their tendencies: all they’ve done since the start of the new semester is cart off The Mercury newsstands and call the police on a Retrograde staff member (who also happens to be an AMP writer) for being in the Student Media office. But their latest bylaw proposition, renaming the Student Media Operating Board to COSM, is rather vague, and the fact remains that UTD still lacks a student newspaper and an air of censorship looms quietly over campus.
But that’s all boring. Making war is tired. We wanna talk about making love.
With the start of the new semester, everyone’s getting busy again, but what we want is for Comets to “get busy.” UTD isn’t horny enough! Get off your PCs! Talk to people! Fuck your partners, fuck your friends, fuck a stranger (with mutual and enthusiastic consent)! Fuck patriarchy, fuck white supremacy, and fuck the hot enby in your lab session! Cuffing season is NOT over — in fact it’s just begun, especially with the right mindset. The right mindset being, again, hard enough to cut glass and/or wet enough to turn your lower half into a slip-n-slide.
Someone out there wants you. Probably. Assuming you’ve showered in the last three days. Someone out there is willing to fuck you, and you should get after it! We promise that sex and flirting and romance are, unless you want them to be, simply not that deep. The people around you are just as freakishly horny and desperately insecure as you are, so why not use the first to solve the second? Nothing fixes poor self esteem like 10 minutes (maybe 20, if you practice) of hot, sweaty external validation. If you’re worried about protection, consider reaching for an AMP-brand condom — something we now have and would very much like to give you. Nothing says safe sex like the beady bespectacled eyes of our very own Ratford, after all.
