Horror of horrors, Comets! Your most beloved bunch of bad fucking bitches, AMP Magazine, has been asked to — gasp! — “cool down the swearing” by admin. Our official statement on the matter is thus: shit bitch cunt fuck motherfucker etc. This may seem immature. That’s because it is! AMP is 21 years old as of 2024, and you best believe we’re going on the kind of generationally obnoxious crashout experienced only by the recently legal.
Now that that’s out of the way: big changes here at the university! Comets with a set of eyes and enough of a social life to ever leave the building designated to their discipline may have noticed the new, “creatively” named Comet LANding, our new esports center. Finally, a mecca of gamerdom, where showered and unshowered Comets alike can unite and appreciate the gaming experience provided to them by their tuition — except, what’s this? The pixelated paradise they spent a year building, that they demolished the Pub for, costs an extra fucking fee to use.
That’s right, gang! They built a shiny new building to show prospective students how cool and hip UTD is, but God forbid those already attending actually use the space without being milked for even more cash. Are we giving the Comet LANding an unfair rap? We don’t know! We don’t get paid enough to wanna use it!
Fun fact we share for absolutely no reason at all: this past year, after everything, after salaries and shareholder stakes and paying whoever-the-fuck whatever-the-fuck, UTD made $260 million in profit. More about the construction at UTD later, though. We promise.
Finally, on as serious a note as AMP can manage: at this time of year, you may be feeling as though your hair is on fire while simultaneously drowning. That, uh. Sucks. But the one comfort we can offer you is that everyone around you is having an equally dogshit time, and you can/should reach out to commiserate and/or make out with each other about it. Keep each other warm, Comets. However you can.
