AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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October Horoscopes
Aries: Beware the pull of the Aries full moon. You’re standing on a cliff face, and it will try to drag you off the edge. Keep your emotional responses in check, and ask yourself what you’re really angry about. Taurus: You are drowning, barely keeping your head above water in a sea of endless responsibilities. […]
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September Horoscopes: Virgo
Aries: You’re naturally drawn towards leadership positions. Good for you! But know your place. If you’re a minimum wage fast-food worker, don’t try bossing anyone around just yet. Taurus: There are over 40 water bottle refill stations on campus. USE THEM. Gemini: Mars is in Gemini, and you know what that means — it’s time […]
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May Horoscopes: Taurus Time
Aries: How are your anger management classes coming? Taurus: This is your season! Spring has sprung! It’s time to finally do the wardrobe overhaul you’ve been dreaming of. Just make sure to watch your budget while you’re surfing Depop. Gemini: You’re not paying tuition for nothing. Take advantage of university resources while you still can! […]
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March Horoscopes
Aries: Have patience. TAs can only work so many hours a week! Give it a day or two before you start sending nagging emails. Taurus: Trust your intuition, but not as much as you trust Google. Especially if trusting your intuition is what got you lost in JSOM in the first place. Gemini: Ego is […]
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February Horoscopes
Aries: Looking for a guy that’s out of this world? Maybe he’s already in your orbit… (hint: he’s tall, ginger, and his name starts with t and ends in moc) Taurus: Well someone’s going to be lucky in love this month! Time to redownload those dating apps, because your statistical chances of finding someone to […]
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December Horoscopes
Aries: Watch out for fair-weather friends. Not everyone can be counted on during hard times. Taurus: Meeting new people can be hard, but try not to freeze up. You can do this! Gemini: Take some time to reflect on how quickly you warm up to people. Also, maybe talk to a mental health professional. Cancer: […]
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AMP Horoscope: Libra Season
Aries: Take a deep breath, you can do this. In fact, you already have. All of this has already happened. Don’t you remember? Taurus: You need to do some serious introspection this month. Ask yourself, what really happened last summer? Gemini: It looks like people have been trying to set boundaries with you lately. You […]