AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Print Issues
Satire
Enarcmas
It’s December, Comets! Everyone knows what that means! The weather might get more frightful each day, but it takes more than that to beat down the holliest, jolliest time of year. Bust out your most festive decorations and attire and follow me in merry measure, because it’s finally…Enarcmastime! Yes, Enarcmas! As a wondrous celebration of […]
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Satire
How to Navigate Stan Twitter
You might have heard through the internet somewhere that Twitter was shutting down after being left in the hands of “tech-genius” and (unfortunately) new Twitter CEO Elon Musk for less than a month. Luckily though, that wasn’t the case! Twitter is still up and running, which means you have all the time in the world […]
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Satire
The Comics
Great American Bake-Off
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Satire
Diagnosing Your Love Life!
Breaking news from the research world: YA romance novels give realistic love advice to teenagers with low standards. We conducted a lengthy study involving hours pouring through AO3 and Wattpad’s critically acclaimed novels, such as “My Sexy Mysterious Billionaire Boyfriend is Secretly a Werewolf.” This research demonstrates how common tropes in YA romance reveal accurate […]
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Satire
Tobor: Op-Ed
Exploiting cheap and available student labor isn’t as bad as you think it is, and should actually be expanded to give cheap food service laborers at UTD the freedom to work as much as possible. Last month, Tobor was arrested for supposedly exploiting student labor to staff the fast food restaurants on campus, but this […]
Cover Stories
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Satire
Election update: Enarc rises, Tobor falls
New mascot church group raises hopes for construction Enarc’s return came alongside the creation of a new religious group on campus dedicated to his teachings. The Holy Church of Enarc started meetings on campus soon after Enarc’s bid for the 2022 mascot election was announced. They meet in the Student Union at room 1.602 on […]
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Satire
No clemency for cosplay
Dear Hadnson, I write to you on this fine Halloween, the day children egg my house and run in costumes amok, even though I gripe about it now I remember when I’d dress up those wondrous Halloweens. Remember when we TP’d Mrs. Hatcherie’s house while dressed as the goonies? Ah, good memories. Anyway, I write […]
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Satire
I’m sorry… that your feelings were hurt
Recently, I have come under fire for some of my actions. People have gotten deeply upset, and my superiors at work are threatening to fire me. Sure, apologizing is the only way to keep my job, and it’s questionable that I only decided to apologize after I was threatened with consequences for my actions. However, […]
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Satire
Oh, the (cards against) humanity!
We live in troubling times, folks! The supervillainous team known as the SINISTER RADICAL-WOKE-LEFT have cooked up yet another diabolical scheme to wreak havoc upon our helpless society, and they do not discriminate between man, woman, or child! They’re corrupting our precious entertainment and media with malicious propaganda, injecting messages about garbage SJW politics in […]
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Satire
The MIT of the South’s Report Card
Welcome to the MIT of the South! As Comets, we have an innate duty to keep UTD nerdy by adding to our repertoire of campus facts to defend against MIT of the North and doomsayers about the fall of Temoc (Et tu, Tobor). But beyond that, we must get the upper hand on the campus […]
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Satire
Becoming a Free Speech Martyr
Conservative Crisis? Get Canceled! “Oh gee golly willikers! The over-educated commie liberals keep attack-helicoptering all over my eugenics blog, where I speak freely about my opinions that are very very good. What in the world is happening to our red-blooded American first amendment rights?!” – You, probably. Fear not, my freedom-loving friend! While all the […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Mascot Election
In November of this year, there will be an important election for all students on campus. An election that will affect future Comets for generations to come. An election that will impact the very fabric of UTD’s society. The Texan gubernatorial elections? Try again. This fall, Temoc will have competing mascots for the first time […]