AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Print Issues
Satire
Becoming a Free Speech Martyr
Conservative Crisis? Get Canceled! “Oh gee golly willikers! The over-educated commie liberals keep attack-helicoptering all over my eugenics blog, where I speak freely about my opinions that are very very good. What in the world is happening to our red-blooded American first amendment rights?!” – You, probably. Fear not, my freedom-loving friend! While all the […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Mascot Election
In November of this year, there will be an important election for all students on campus. An election that will affect future Comets for generations to come. An election that will impact the very fabric of UTD’s society. The Texan gubernatorial elections? Try again. This fall, Temoc will have competing mascots for the first time […]
Cover Stories
Featured
Print Issues
Satire
The Essential Anatomy of a K-Drama Main Character
Disclaimer: Based on scientific research conducted during finals week from a large sample of Korean and Chinese dramas to compile the list of the most suitable traits for a female lead in a successful romance. Be poor. Starting off easy since we’re students and already prone to being broke and hungry with no prospects because […]
Featured
Print Issues
Satire
The Limosia Experience
This week I visited a recently opened high-end restaurant named “The Limosia Experience”. This establishment prides itself on serving diverse and authentic dishes with a sophisticated twist. I’ll admit it’s a bit expensive, but I went, despite this, to see if the food was worth the price tag. I made this sacrifice for you, dear […]
Print Issues
Satire
A Student’s Guide to Self-Care
Welcome, Comets. You may have stumbled onto our campus under the impression that college is solely about getting a higher education. But you’re more than a student. Here at UTD, we strive to create a community that enables you to grow into the well-rounded, highly-successful, not-one-bit-mentally-ill adult you can surely become. Simply follow these tips […]
Print Issues
Satire
A Typical Student Government Debate (How would you know otherwise?)
The following is a full transcription of the UTD Student Government debate which took place on March 28th, 2022, at 6PM in the SSA Auditorium. No edits have been made for clarity. Moderator: What up broskis, welcome to the student government debate! My name’s Tyler Bro-hardt, and I’m nominally moderating the debate today! We’re gonna […]
Print Issues
Satire
Florida Man Creates the Best Educational System in the World
I don’t understand why people are so focused on improvement and change; you know how the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” There is a reason why archaic American systems have been used for so long, because the same old, white men have been in power since this country has existed. One […]
Print Issues
Satire
Nintendo’s Guide To Fan Interaction
It’s easy to overlook the little things when it comes to starting a business. Finances, product development, marketing, all of those are obvious components to becoming a successful company. But there’s one key aspect that many businesses get wrong, and that’s customer interaction. You may not realize this if you’re just starting out, but once […]
Print Issues
Satire
Welcome to JSOM
“Welcome to JSOM! We are happy you are here,” the sign read. Freshman marketing major Kevin Nguyen, who was currently very lost, did not return the sentiment. Business hadn’t exactly been his first choice course of study. Marketing is still a creative field, he had thought. It’ll be fine! It was not fine. It was […]
Print Issues
Satire
The People’s Guide To An Anti-Capitalist Valentine’s Day
It’s that time of year again, when overpriced roses and child-labor chocolate take over grocery store displays across the nation. Love is in the air! …or maybe that’s just omicron since apparently we still haven’t gotten rid of COVID. This can be a rough time for people who want to celebrate love but don’t want […]
Print Issues
Satire
Evidence Against Seatbelt Mandates
Much of the world has accepted compulsory seatbelts. If you are caught without one on, you would be fined in most places. But how fair is it to mandate something that may be near useless, or downright unsafe? Most of us have not questioned our daily use of seatbelts, or how effective it really is […]
Print Issues
Satire
Garble Studios: The Cinematic Universe Initiative
Fall Before The Rise By Egodicksy Vobusik Several months ago, Garble Studios released the feature film Bullseye, with a standalone sequel Phoenix Wings following shortly thereafter. As we’ve come to learn through an internet forum leak, these two films were meant to start Garble Studios’ Cinematic Universe Initiative. The aforementioned leak contained several pitch meeting […]