AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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Satire
How To Run An E-Sports Team On The Cheap
With the rise of collegiate and amateur eSports throughout the country, more and more schools are attempting to break into the scene with their own programs and teams. The only problem is, everyone is dirt poor! (or pretending to be) So, how do you run an esports team on a shoestring budget? Here’s a 5 […]
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Satire
AMP’s Fifth Annual Naughty Or Nice List
NICE: ABBA Mamma mia, here we go again… And I thought it’d been a while since Mitski released new music! After 40 long years, everyone’s favorite Swedish pop group is back and more ABBA than ever. Their new album, Voyage, sounds a lot like it was released in 1983, but with better sound quality— which […]
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Satire
Regarding SB 8
On September 1, 2021, the Texas Heartbeat Bill became state law effectively banning abortions from the time fetal cardiac activity is detected, usually around 6 weeks gestation. There’s also no exception for rape or incest. Surprisingly, effectively banning 50% of the population from accessing basic healthcare was met with a litany of lawsuits; except there […]
Satire
Texas: A State of Incompetence
Have you ever looked at the Texan state government, and wondered, what in tarnation is that? Well luckily for you, I’ve put about 2 minutes of research into the topic by reading blogs on the internet, and can thus explain every single aspect to you, thanks to my legitimate research into the history and intricacies […]
Satire
Top 9 Scariest Costumes for Halloween 2021
Not sure what to be for Halloween this year? AMP has got you covered. Here are our top 9 scariest costumes for 2021. 1. Technologically incompetent professor A classic horror story: the pandemic’s been going on for a year and a half. You log onto your first Microsoft Teams meeting of the day, already tired […]
Satire
Ending Racism One Yellow Square at a Time
On March 17th, a 21-year-old man went to three massage parlors in Georgia and killed eight people, the majority of which were Asian women. After a thorough investigation, the Atlanta Police Department delicately announced that the murderer simply had a “bad day,” but many would venture to say that he just had a bad year. […]
Satire
Executive Order GA-34
Greg Abbott released executive order GA-34, lifting the mask mandate and letting businesses open up 100%. Now, the order is written in classic legalese, which may be hard to understand for some of our less legally-inclined readers. As such, I’ve created this handy-dandy summation to help Texans understand the decision making that goes on within […]
Satire
Texas, Stay Red
“If you’re gonna run in Texas, you can’t be a liberal man,” – Ted Cruz’s campaign song, 2018. Hey, stupid. Yeah, Texas, we’re looking at you. We’re laughing at you right now, actually. Your latest disgrace is all over the internet, but especially on Twitter. Curious that it snowed over there. You mean, Texas really […]
Satire
How to Spend Your Stimmy
The pandemic has hit a lot of the US population very hard, with many going jobless for months and having to come up with money for rent, food, and other bills. With this in mind, I’ve put together a guide on how to properly spend the upcoming $1400 stimulus checks to help alleviate your current […]
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Satire
The C.R.A.P. Manifesto
In the midst of 2020’s contentious and tumultuous political cycle, a new right-wing sect has recently gained public notoriety with their aggressive stance against all forms of genital concealment. Known as the Concerned Republicans Against Predators (CRAP), these activists have argued for banning all lower-body garments including pants, underwear, and jorts. Spurred on by a […]
Opinion
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Satire
Ken Paxton: A Man of the People
On October 3rd, the Austin-American Statesman and KVUE-TV got ahold of a letter written by seven of Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s top aides alleging that Paxton was “violating federal and/or state law” by supposedly abusing his office and accepting bribes. This isn’t the first political hit job Paxton has been the victim of. For […]
Satire
Pledge of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United COVID of America, and to the racists for which they stand above everyone else, one corrupt and capitalist nation, somewhat under God?, very divided, with no liberty or justice for all white men. Wait—sorry, was that not the pledge we repeated in school every morning for […]