AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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Satire
How to Play D&D Correctly
Welcome, fresh-faced intrepid adventurer! You’re about to embark on a journey every college student dreams of and attempts with shoddily written Reddit posts at the beginning of every semester: playing Dungeons and Dragons! If you’ve made it to this step, you’ve already accomplished more than 99.9% of others, whose D&D fantasies remain in late-night Discord […]
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Features
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Ratford
Satire
Romance with Ratford
Students ask the esteemed love expert, Ratford the Rat, for advice regarding their wooing woes. Q: Would you rather date Temoc, Enarc, or Tobor? A: Bold of you to assume that any of our beloved mascots/idols aren’t hitched already. Q: What makes you feel the most loved? A: Q: How do we rizz? A: Either […]
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Satire
Campus Critter Showdown
Curio Queri: Hello, and welcome to our first annual campus critter showdown! Throughout the month of February, we’ll be conducting a battle of the beasts to determine who will be crowned UTD’s ultimate little guy. I’m your correspondent on the scene, Curio Queri, and I’m here to ask all of YOU who’s favored to come […]
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Satire
Ultimate Guide to Dumping Someone
Love is in the air! And just like any airborne affliction, you’ll get over it. Or die, I guess. Either way, this February is the perfect opportunity to learn how to say goodbye, and when it’s your heart on the line, you’re better off beating your valentine to the punch. Waste the next 10 minutes […]
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Satire
Enarcmas
It’s December, Comets! Everyone knows what that means! The weather might get more frightful each day, but it takes more than that to beat down the holliest, jolliest time of year. Bust out your most festive decorations and attire and follow me in merry measure, because it’s finally…Enarcmastime! Yes, Enarcmas! As a wondrous celebration of […]
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Satire
How to Navigate Stan Twitter
You might have heard through the internet somewhere that Twitter was shutting down after being left in the hands of “tech-genius” and (unfortunately) new Twitter CEO Elon Musk for less than a month. Luckily though, that wasn’t the case! Twitter is still up and running, which means you have all the time in the world […]
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Satire
The Comics
Great American Bake-Off
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Satire
Diagnosing Your Love Life!
Breaking news from the research world: YA romance novels give realistic love advice to teenagers with low standards. We conducted a lengthy study involving hours pouring through AO3 and Wattpad’s critically acclaimed novels, such as “My Sexy Mysterious Billionaire Boyfriend is Secretly a Werewolf.” This research demonstrates how common tropes in YA romance reveal accurate […]
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Satire
Tobor: Op-Ed
Exploiting cheap and available student labor isn’t as bad as you think it is, and should actually be expanded to give cheap food service laborers at UTD the freedom to work as much as possible. Last month, Tobor was arrested for supposedly exploiting student labor to staff the fast food restaurants on campus, but this […]
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Satire
No clemency for cosplay
Dear Hadnson, I write to you on this fine Halloween, the day children egg my house and run in costumes amok, even though I gripe about it now I remember when I’d dress up those wondrous Halloweens. Remember when we TP’d Mrs. Hatcherie’s house while dressed as the goonies? Ah, good memories. Anyway, I write […]
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Satire
I’m sorry… that your feelings were hurt
Recently, I have come under fire for some of my actions. People have gotten deeply upset, and my superiors at work are threatening to fire me. Sure, apologizing is the only way to keep my job, and it’s questionable that I only decided to apologize after I was threatened with consequences for my actions. However, […]
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Satire
Oh, the (cards against) humanity!
We live in troubling times, folks! The supervillainous team known as the SINISTER RADICAL-WOKE-LEFT have cooked up yet another diabolical scheme to wreak havoc upon our helpless society, and they do not discriminate between man, woman, or child! They’re corrupting our precious entertainment and media with malicious propaganda, injecting messages about garbage SJW politics in […]