AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Print Issues
The Tragedy of Berkner Hall Basement: The Comet Lore Competition Winner
If you are reading this, I NEED YOUR HELP. During Thanksgiving Break, my best friend Damian and I decided to check out the Berkner Hall basement from that r/utdallas subreddit post, and what we found will astonish you. We followed the instructions left by explorers of the past and picked the lock on the grate […]
Print Issues
The Comics
Holiday Special: Tobor’s Wish
Features
Print Issues
Satire
AMP’s Sixth Annual Naughty or Nice List
Naughty: Wife Guys Ned Fulmer, John Mulaney, Adam Levine… Just goes to show that you can’t trust a guy who makes ‘loving his wife’ his entire brand. If you love your wife so much, why are you using her for profit? Tech Billionaires This spot was almost awarded to Elon (again) for his crimes against […]
Print Issues
The Comics
What Temoc is getting you for Christmas?
Literature Majors: an answer for what you’ll do with that degree Visual & Performing Arts Majors: a driver’s license ATEC Majors: a Ram Anime Body Pillow Any BBS Major: actual therapy so you don’t have to go to class for it Economic Majors: a new pair of suspenders and glasses Political Science Majors: a winning […]
Print Issues
Satire
Enarcmas
It’s December, Comets! Everyone knows what that means! The weather might get more frightful each day, but it takes more than that to beat down the holliest, jolliest time of year. Bust out your most festive decorations and attire and follow me in merry measure, because it’s finally…Enarcmastime! Yes, Enarcmas! As a wondrous celebration of […]
Print Issues
Satire
Tobor: Op-Ed
Exploiting cheap and available student labor isn’t as bad as you think it is, and should actually be expanded to give cheap food service laborers at UTD the freedom to work as much as possible. Last month, Tobor was arrested for supposedly exploiting student labor to staff the fast food restaurants on campus, but this […]
Print Issues
The Comics
What year are you?
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Election update: Enarc rises, Tobor falls
New mascot church group raises hopes for construction Enarc’s return came alongside the creation of a new religious group on campus dedicated to his teachings. The Holy Church of Enarc started meetings on campus soon after Enarc’s bid for the 2022 mascot election was announced. They meet in the Student Union at room 1.602 on […]
Print Issues
Satire
I’m sorry… that your feelings were hurt
Recently, I have come under fire for some of my actions. People have gotten deeply upset, and my superiors at work are threatening to fire me. Sure, apologizing is the only way to keep my job, and it’s questionable that I only decided to apologize after I was threatened with consequences for my actions. However, […]
Print Issues
Satire
The MIT of the South’s Report Card
Welcome to the MIT of the South! As Comets, we have an innate duty to keep UTD nerdy by adding to our repertoire of campus facts to defend against MIT of the North and doomsayers about the fall of Temoc (Et tu, Tobor). But beyond that, we must get the upper hand on the campus […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Mascot Election
In November of this year, there will be an important election for all students on campus. An election that will affect future Comets for generations to come. An election that will impact the very fabric of UTD’s society. The Texan gubernatorial elections? Try again. This fall, Temoc will have competing mascots for the first time […]
Print Issues
Satire
UTD Parking and You
What are you talking about? As long as you don't make the foolish mistake of being poor, UTD parking is fantastic!