Q: Is it okay to think the Grim Reaper is hot?

A: Who wouldn’t? Sure, he’s the walking definition of a red flag. However, he does check all my boxes. Tall, pale, bony, and over thirty. My dream guy TBH.

Q: Is it true there’s a secret witches’ coven in the sewers under UTD?

A: One night, my friends and I ate the bad type of moldy cheese. And then, a couple of juniors passed by our sewer hangout and mistook our shrieks of pain due to food poisoning for witches.

Q: Pumpkin spice, yay or nay?

A: Most definitely nay, I have standards. Give me tea with five sugars or hot chocolate with extra chocolate.

Q: What dark sacrifice do I need to make to understand math?

A: I shouldn’t be telling you this, but this is an advice column. Find the math teacher who made you cry the most. Due to the emotional connection, if you sacrifice them during finals, you can absorb all their mathematical knowledge.

• Editor’s Note: AMP is not responsible for any sacrifices that might occur.

Q: How to attract hot witches and ghouls to my area? I keep getting anguished souls instead.

A:  See, you’re probably using candles instead of lavender incense. Also, try using “Twilight” and Hello Kitty merch as an offering instead of My Chemical Romance and Panic at the Disco.

Q: What’s your favorite scary movie?

A: Not a movie, but any “Tom and Jerry” cartoon. It’s terrifying to see Jerry being abused and chased around by Tom. Although, it is motivational to see a fellow rat getting tossed around but still being able to get up and stick it to a cat. Honestly, I see myself as Jerry. He has such a hustler mindset, just like me. I’m not like these Beta rats. Jerry and I are Sigma male rats.

Q: I really want to meet a ghost in real life. Where can I find some on campus?

A: Sadly, UTD isn’t dingy enough to have anyone cool be wrongfully and brutally murdered on school premises. So, my recommendation for a fun DIY this Halloween season is being a go-getter and making the first UTD ghost.

• Editor’s Note: AMP is not responsible for any untimely demises that might occur.

Q: Everyone gives out candy on Halloween, it’s so basic. What should I give out instead to stand out?

A: Razor blades. People tend to remember when they find razor blades with their candy. You could even end up on the news.

Q: Who would you contact with a Ouija board?

A: Finally, an easy question. It would obviously be Hannah Baker from “13 Reasons Why.” I need to tell her how dramatic she is (sorry, was) and that Zach didn’t deserve to be on the tapes.

Q: Couple costume ideas?

A: I do not want to hear or see any couples on my spooky holiday. Halloween is supposed to be scary, when did it become about love and couples’ stuff? I’m not sad that I was never in a relationship during the Halloween season or that I never had someone to carve a pumpkin with or take cute autumn pictures with. La di da, let’s make Ratford feel bad on his favorite holiday. I’m sure he doesn’t mind. I’m sure he won’t feel left out. I’m sure he doesn’t cry inside every time he sees a hot demon and a sexy priest dress up together. LET US NOT INCLUDE HIM IN OUR COSTUME PARTY. NO GO AHEAD, HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME, YOU LITTLE—

Editor’s Note: AMP is not responsible for the actions of Ratford.