Another school year has passed… luckily for me, time means nothing. I’ve lived through the black plague, and those summers were “dead af” as the kids say. That sucked, so I’m hoping y’all have some riveting ideas for me to try this summer.

Get On the Ratchelor:

You think I’m some hussy? That I need a TV show to help me find love? I can find true love whenever I want, it’s just that my suitors can’t handle my massive IQ.

Seduce UTD Interim Student Media Advisor Jonathan Stewart:

Jstew should be begging me to seduce him, I’m literally such a catch.

Surf Some Sick Waves:

Never thought someone would want to see me wet and wild. 

Cry:

My skincare would be in shambles. It’s like you want me to be an ugly rat. Ugh, I can’t deal with this right now…I’m gonna go eat an entire wheel of parmesan and get back to you.

Eat Cheese:

Newsflash, buddy! Rats don’t just eat cheese. It’s honestly offensive how you keep commenting this expecting a reaction out of me. Well — you got it! Hope you’re happy. 

Get into Your Saltburn Summer Groove:

Finally, a good idea. I’ve had my eye on this one well endowed family for a while now. Life truly is beautiful.

Build a Rocket or Fight a Mummy or Climb the Eiffel Tower?:

You have such unrealistic expectations of me. I can’t live up to these standards.

Cheese Tasting Tour:

I’m sick of this stereotyping. You’re done. You’re canceled. You’re never gonna work in the industry again. Get the hell out.

Remarriage:

Some of us need therapy before getting into a relationship. You wouldn’t understand.

Get Sunburnt Yuhhh:

Hahahahaha… Cancer isn’t a joke.

Pickleball:

How do you expect me, the 5 inch (girth) rat, to carry a paddle?