May 2025 Horoscopes
Your future is in the stars this May.. and they decree that you’ll go off the grid and rewatch Evangelion.
Category: Horoscopes
April 2025 Horoscopes
Aries: No matter how heavy you think your wallet feels this month, always remember that you’re a broke bitch and…
March 2025 Horoscopes
Aries: Look, dude (gender neutral). Touching grass does NOT include the grass in Minecraft. Get out of your room for…
February 2025 Horoscopes
Aries: Love will blossom between you and someone new this Valentine’s! Which will be fun for those of you who’re…
December 2024 Horoscopes
Aries: Workplace safety violations may give you an opportunity for a lawsuit! But do you have it in your heart…
October 2024 Horoscopes
Libra: Big changes in your professional life! Who knows if they’re good!
September 2024 Horoscopes
Aries: School’s back! I give it a week before you start skipping classes again. Taurus: The stars say you’re not…
May 2024 Horoscopes
Aries: You win!!!1!1! Taurus: The stars don’t think you deserve anything good this month, but they’re down for a deal.…
April 2024 Horoscope
Aries: You’re going to kill or be killed this month. It will be bloody and gruesome, and will likely change…
March 2024: Horoscopes
Aries: Icarus was a loser. Fly closer to the sun. Taurus: You’re your own person, as long as you ignore…
AMP Horoscope
Aries: You are going to do something that will make you feel so guilty after this month. Double down. Own…
December Horoscopes
Aries: Give in to the voices. Taurus: You’ve got it figured out this month. You don’t need anyone else’s opinion.…