Hello, Concerned Comets!

This month, I’m on a mission to make the world a better place. Many of you, like me, are concerned about the Earth and want to relieve the burden that is 2.12 billion tons of waste simply rotting in our landfills, so I’m taking your suggestions on being green and staying cool. Join me as I go over your top ideas for how to save the planet!

  1. Facepaint

You know what, this is quite an astute observation. I see what you did there, Comet! I think I’ll take this one to heart — after all, nothing says going green like Going Green! But where to find rat-friendly green paint…? I also need it to be edible, you know, in case I get hungry.

  1. Eat Your Veggies

I’ve heard rumors of a Comet who consumed so many carrots that they actually turned orange! I blame the dining hall…

  1. Start a Personal Garden

Now this is a suggestion. This is a fantastic idea! It’s time to get down and dirty, Comets. Instead of eating your store-bought food from the grocery store, I can now eat the ripe fruits of your labor! Literally. I will be digging in your yard. You didn’t think I’d be the one gardening, did you?

  1. Set Everything on Fire

With the current state of world affairs, this isn’t a bad idea. As an added bonus, we can roast marshmallows over the yawning pit of hellfire and smoldering coals, watch as the ashes settle over our burning world, and enjoy the sweet, sweet aroma of melting plastic. Which leads me to our next suggestion…

  1. Eat Plastic Bottles

YUMMY. As an avid consumer of all things plastic-related I’m certainly doing my part, but this suggestion is more for you, Comets. Go ahead and take a nice, crunchy bite of your favorite plastic water bottle. Now we can all consume micro and macro plastics like God intended, and keep them out of the ocean. 

  1. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! ♻️ 

Yayyyy! My favorite suggestion! I love reducing, reusing, and recycling. I especially love when you Comets sort your snacks — I mean, waste — into trash and recycling. Or, as I like to call it, yummy and yummier. You all make my job so easy.