Hello! Ratford here to offer more advice! Nico, uhh, collected me to help you all. I’m definitely here willingly!

How do you find a lyapunov function without dying?

I dunno. I’m just a rat. You can probably find it in the lost and found or something.

What do I do if my own thoughts won’t let me relax?

Try not thinking at all! I do it all the time and I feel pretty good most of the time!

What’s a good spring break destination?

Hawaii! That’s totally not overdone! Join your fellow white people in eroding the culture!

I can’t go anywhere for spring break this year — what is there to do around


Leave cheese out for your local rat (me).

Chill music recs?

Lo-fi beats to chill and eat cheese to

Please fix my test anxiety?

Listen to the previously mentioned lo-fi beats to chill and eat cheese to.

Sometimes I have so much to do I just lie down and don’t do anything. How do

I… not do that?

Drink lots of Monster Energy until you enter a crazed state of sugar-induced mania. Don’t worry about your kidneys.

How do you get your pre-med friends to chill out for five minutes?

It’s scientifically impossible for a pre-med student to relax. They have no chill, they will never

have chill, it is simply their natural way of being. Majestic.

Favorite comfort food?


My friend keeps telling me that they’re too busy with classes to hang out. Do you

think they’re just avoiding me? If not, how can I get them to relax?

Are you a comp-sci major? If yes, they probably are avoiding you. Please shower. If not, then just kidnap them and bring them to Dave and Buster’s or something.

Where’s the line between self-care and skipping all your classes to nap? 

Still take naps, but take them in your classes!

I like reading horoscopes for fun, but every time I bring it up my friend keeps going on about how they’re not real. How do I explain that it’s not that serious?

Explain to your friend how that’s like, such Scorpio behavior tbh.

How can I relax when I need an internship?

Unpaid internships are just exploitation from the bourgeoisie! Reject corporate rule! Demand fair pay!